Thank you for your interest in becoming a Justice. Using a 2nd Amendment pencil, please complete the following questionnaire:
Trigger Warning: Elf-lovers should not read.
The Elf on the Shelf is a creepy elf-doll that parents use to manipulate their kids into being on their best behavior in December and to teach their kids that parents are liars.
Dear attorney, I have read your letter,
in which my clients you attacked.
Really, sir, you should know better
than allegations containing neither law nor fact.