Elf on The Shelf: Santa’s NARC or Tool of Future Dystopian Overlords?

The “Elf on the Shelf” is an elaborate hoax perpetrated on children to destroy their trust in grown-ups and train them to tolerate totalitarian surveillance.

If you are unfamiliar with the Elf on the Shelf, it is a creepy elf-doll that parents use to manipulate their kids into being on their best behavior in December. Parents tell the kids that the elf-doll is ALIVE and that its job is to rat out kids to Santa.   The parents then move this yuletide NARC around the house at night to convince the kids that that the elf is actually alive.

Then, the kids get Christmas presents no matter what they do. It is a great way to teach kids that their actions have no consequences.

The kids also learn that parents are creative and elaborate liars. When these children are teenagers, their parents will wonder why their kids do not believe a word they say.

The NARC-Elf program also helps desensitize kids to government surveillance.  The American people must be willing to give up a degree of personal privacy in exchange for Christmas presents.

“War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. The Elf is your friend.”


Big Brother Elf Is Watching You.

But wait – there’s more!!! The parents can make cutesy little dioramas of the “elf” being naughty and post pictures of the tableaus on social media! Then, all the  other parents have one more way to feel crappy about their lack of creativity and unwillingness to forgo sleep!

“The Elf on the Shelf” is a total win for everyone.

Except for the kids and the parents.

But the people who sell the elf TOTALLY win. As do our future dystopian overlords.